Living Life 2013

Happy New Year!! I have not written anything since May! And since that time I have ran very little as well... I did not run any races from May until this month. I think my body needed a break, needed to heal and I needed to find my motivation for running again. I loved running, and then once I injured myself, I hated running, I hated everything about it, or so I thought. Really, I just hated myself for stopping, I hated that I gave up and I hated that I allowed myself to get back into old unhealthy habits. Before being injured, I was obsessed with running, and as I allowed myself to look back at the races I had completed, and at how far I had come (from being a non-runner to running 2 1/2 marathons and loving every minute), I remembered just how much I loved it, and how badly I wanted to get back out there!! Running for me is freedom, running is therapy, I need to run! If only is was that easy!! I was nervous about getting back out there, I was scared that I would hurt myself again, that I wouldn't be able to do it, that I wouldn't like running anymore. It took me a couple of months to warm up to the idea of getting out there and just go for a run. Most of the summer, I walked, I walked with my dogs, and with my boyfriend. I walked. It reminded me that I like to be outdoors, and that even though I have put on some weight, I am in control of my body and I can lose the weight. Walking was good, walking was safe, walking was easy. I could go out and walk for hours, without ever feeling like I was really "working out". On one of my walks, I mentioned to my boyfriend, that I would like to try running again (but I didn't mention how scared I was!). He was, as always, very supportive, and really pushed me to go for it. He was even going to help!!! He agreed to start the Couch25k Program with me! I was super excited! Not only was I going to start running again, but now I had someone to run with me!!! We ran very early in the morning, and we did a good job of it, until I had to go back to school. My schedule got in the way, and again, running took a back seat to everything else. I felt awful, I had failed....again! This time I did not let it get the best of me, I started the program over, and decided that I would give myself time, and be gentle with myself, not pushing too hard, not worrying about time, or distance, but worrying about finding the love of running again. I went out to find what had made me so very happy, what had made me obsessed, what made me feel alive. I knew it would be a struggle to get back into running, but I had no clue just how hard it would be. After a 6 month break (no running), my body did not respond well to my workouts, it was not like riding a bike, it was very, very hard to get back at it. Physically, I could handle it, the workouts were hard, but I was doing them, and completing them. What was the most difficult for me, was the mental part of running (the part I believe is the most important), I was beating myself up, as i struggled through some of the very first Couch25k workouts, my self-talk was beating the crap out of me. I couldn't believe that I was struggling with such "easy" runs when just months before I was running for hours. Now I was happy to have a 30 minute workout over! Ryan supported me, and pushed me and cheered me on. He even gave me the Team Ortho Race Series as a Christmas present! But better yet, he was going to run the first race with me!! On January 1, 2013 I ran my first race: the Polar Dash. I was awesome!! I found the love and the passion!! All it took was one very cold 5k to remind me why I love to run!! (the race recap will be posted soon!) I am still working my way through the Couch25k Program. I just completed week 5 day 3 today. I am not even near where I once was, when it coming to running, but I am okay with that. I am going to continue to take it slow and to look for the love in every workout. So this year, I am not planning for any PRs nor am I going to be concerned about the times in which I finish my races, but I am going to focus on loving each minute of every race I run and of every workout I run. I am running for fun!! On top of using this year to run for fun, I am also going to commit to blogging more, as it was such a great help to keep me inspired before. In 2013, I am going to live my life!